Advice Category Archives

The Advice: The Fear of Falling.

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.” ― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones

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I’ve been thinking a lot about fear. Even the bravest of souls are afraid of something, whether it’s spiders, heights, or…falling in love. It’s crazy how much fear limits us, and stops us from getting to where we are meant to be. So, I’ve been working really hard to be brave in all aspects of my life. I probably have mentioned that I have an absurd job working with the mentally ill in the city. That alone has caused me to invest in big girl pants, and approach every workday with unwavering ferocity. I am in the process of training for the Spartan Race. Challenging myself physically every year is something I made a pact to do when I turned 25, starting with my first 10K last fall. This is no easy feat, considering that it’s been snowing every other day, and I love carbs. I also have been trying to be brave in my love life.

What do I mean by this? Well, as I’ve started dating again, I’ve been having lots of conversations about dating, meeting new potential, and how scary that can be. I mean, it’s a daunting task, meeting someone new. Getting to know all of their little quirks and idiosyncrasies. Figuring out if you’re compatible in and out of the bedroom. Introducing them to your friends, and hoping for your friends’ approval. Having conversations on the phone (maybe that’s just me, I think I have a weird phone voice. But I digress). Being vocal about what exactly you want, where this is going…being vocal about your feelings. Shit is terrifying. I never thought that I would get back to this place, where I actually am excited about meeting someone new. Someone to look forward to spending time with. I also have gotten to a new place, where I am more comfortable expressing my wants and needs. I think that is what I’m most proud of at this very moment. I decided to blog about it, because I want this for all my fellow singles, and I also am demanding ya’ll to get here with me!

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The Advice: True Life:I Don’t Know How To Date [and neither do you.]

Hello Lovers and Friends!

I’m writing to you from the confines of grandma’s blanket, nursing what might be the worst cold I’ve ever had. Fuck winter, right? Anyways, the opportunity to write a little something presented itself, so here it is. Let’s catch up.

Recently, I’ve begun the process of dating again. I feel like I was definitely in some sort of rut the past few months, licking my wounds, and thinking of infinite reasons why I should never actually get close to another member of the male species again. But of course, time passes, and you realize that the only way to get out of the rut is to get back on the horse. I’ve been reflecting on the past year, and the past relationships I’ve had. I realized that the same ambition and perseverance that I apply to my professional career, I have to use the same drive in my romantic life. So I set out to make shit happen.

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Out with the Old, In with the New:The 2014 Edition

Shit is late…..but still relevant.

Sorry guys, I’ve been ghost for a little bit. But ya’ll know how the holidays be, stressful and financially draining. I will say that this has been the most enjoyable winter holiday in a long time, and I wrote this post around Christmas time.

‘I’m sitting in the car, driving back from Christmas dinner. John Legend’s ‘All of Me’ is playing, and it seemed liked the perfect time to write my final post for 2013.

It has been a hell of year to say the least. I’m sure it’s been crazy for you guys as well, and I am definitely not the same person I was when this year started. I would say that I am a much better person than I was in many ways. I have learned a lot about people, the value of life and love. I’ve learned valuable lessons in the face of pain and sadness. I’ve learned that I’m stronger emotionally than I ever could have imagined.

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The Advice: Be Better, Not Bitter.

Girls are a little crazy. Now before you get offended, remember two things. 1) I am a girl. 2) At some point in time, you as a female have had irrational, unreasonable thoughts and expectations of the opposite sex, myself included. Lately, I’ve been taking time to reflect, and I’ve come up with a few gems.

Stop trying to claim something that never belonged to you in the first place. You are hurting yourself, you are better than that. What do I mean by that? Let’s think. Once a girl decides she actually likes a boy, in some small, tiny irrational part of you that has laid claim over them. The more time you spend with him, the bigger that piece grows. It doesn’t matter that he isn’t actually yours. You have dedicated countless hours of consistent texting. You have already planned future dates with your boo, imagined spending the next few holidays together. You have invested months of months of ‘talking’ so he now belongs to you. In your mind….because that makes sense.

Stop it crazy! Stop it right now.