It’s been awhile fam! I’ve been too busy living my life, chasing this money, that I haven’t had any time to get back to this here blog. But here we are fresh from the shower, ready to drop something on ya. Ready?Okay.Now when I first thought about this topic, I wondered how I could convey my feelings and whatnot, about being friends with an ex lover, boyfriend, etc. when I can’t really relate all the way. Then I thought, who gives a damn? So here we go. I don’t feel like everyone should be friends with their exes.
There. I said it. I’ll tell you why.
When you’re invested in something, whether it’s a situationship, an exclusive relationship (i.e. boyfriend/girlfriend), or someone you are dating exclusively, you’re all in. I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t do anything half-assed. If I’m into you, I’m all the way in. I’m a passionate person. I love hard. I FEEL things. So when that feeling goes away…it’s gone. Like, I can’t get it back, I can’t muster up fake enthusiasm to be around you, the fire is out, that.is.it. I’m not friends with any of the guys I’ve dated. Here’s the thing. For me, I feel like if we weren’t friends before, why would we be now? It’s silly to me. Most likely once we’ve separated, I’ve moved on, you’ve moved on. We see other people, and we become invested in them. I can’t look back, because I feel that if you’re really committed to someone, mind, and heart, there’s not really any room for anyone else.
Over the past few weeks I’ve been chatting a lot with the homies. I had one girlfriend tell me that she was upset because one of her exes no longer takes her calls or texts, and she didn’t understand why. I thought that was weird. Think about it. He has a new girlfriend, this girlfriend probably wouldn’t like him communicating regularly with an ex, because she probably thinks he may still have feelings for her. Who has time for that? Girls are jealous creatures. I am a jealous creature. I don’t want to share your attention, I want it fully. I’ve seen far too many situations, where both guys and girls have claimed to be ‘just friends’ with their ex, and have ended up back with them, or at least hooking up with them. How does that help you grow and move forward?
I’m not saying this is the case for everyone. I know a few people who are friendly with their exes and there is no problem…..that they know of. In my observation, on the outside things are platonic and friendly..but more often than not one party still has lingering ‘what if’ feelings about the other. You can never say that just because you view them as a friend, they fully view you as the same. As we get older, get married, and have children, the situations will be even more unrealistic. I don’t know any married couples who are still friends with their exes, do you? I’ll wait.
If things end, they end for a reason. Stop trying to recreate a dead relationship. I know that none of the guys I’ve dated were supposed to be with me for the long haul. When they go, I delete them off of Facebook, Instagram, phone book, all that. I don’t want reminders of what once was. Keeping that door open invites the chance that one will relapse, and that may not be the healthiest move for your heart. Call it immature, I call it closure. Besides, no one wants to see their ex moved on and happy if they aren’t in the same place. That sucks.
Memories are just that…memories. Good times, or bad, things begin and end everyday. I take every situation and experience for what it is, and I get ready and open my heart for the new one that is sure to follow. I feel like that’s how it should be.
We can’t be friends. Thanks for the memories though.
