I’m a runner. I’ve been running since middle school, various distances. I remember my Pops timing my mile run on gravel tracks behind my middle school every weekend. I remember 3- mile runs after school, weaving in and out of neighborhoods near my house. The familiarity of the paths, the sound of my Pops yelling at me to go faster, the air filling my lungs, and the fleeting thought that I won’t finish. But I always did.
Recently I started running again. When I’m out of shape, the same issues resurface. Damn how long has it been? I don’t know if I can run 3 miles today. Do I have my inhaler? I’m tired.
All of these thoughts, as if my legs won’t carry to the end like they always have. All of these doubts as if I don’t trust my body. As if I don’t trust myself.
Trust is a funny thing. It’s interesting that I’ve heard from both sexes that they can’t trust their counterparts. Why? Because they have been hurt in the past. Maybe their partner cheated. Maybe because the one they loved didnt love them back. Maybe because they’ve tried to open up and date, but it didn’t work. So now they don’t trust anybody.
We are so quick to blame and harp on memories that should have died a long time ago. Don’t you get tired of repeating the same story over and over?About how your ex-girl played you so now you’re just over girls. Or how you’re in a dry spell in your dating life so screw guys. You don’t care anyway they’re just manipulative douchebags. How many times have you told the homies you’re good and you’re not bothering with the opposite sex anymore? By saying you don’t trust an entire gender, you are proclaiming that you were unable to withstand the hurt and pain and you can’t bear anymore. So you’re giving up.
Would you believe that last summer I was running 10 miles,for fun? There was a time when I thought that was impossible, no way I could do that. Now as I get back in shape, it feels like 3 miles could never get back up to 10 miles. But I know that I can do it, my body is capable, my mind is strong enough to withstand that strain on my body.
It’s the same with this idea of trust. You will never get to where you’re meant to be, if you give up just because you’ve experienced emotional pain. Life’s journey was not promised with the absence of pain. Love’s journey was never promised with the absence of heartache. You’re stupid if you really think you are just gonna fall in love and everything is simple after that. The trust issue is not pertaining to the opposite sex. The trust issue lies with you. You have lost faith in your ability to encounter someone that is good for you. You don’t trust that love is meant for you or that a good one exists. You have allowed past mistakes to dictate how and which you will maneuver through this love journey. In this way, you have set yourself up for failure.
Stop looking at every failed attempt at a relationship as the reason you banish all of one gender. If you believe that everyone is liar, guess what? You’re perpetuating your own fate. Last time I checked none of us were fortune tellers. You are destroying your own potential happiness, by pretending that you can predict your future. You have no idea who is going to come into your life, or why. TRUST that you will learn and grow regardless of what happens. TRUST that there is a reason you are meeting this person. If it works out, great. If doesn’t work out, learn from it and move on. If you make a mistake, remember that you’re human, and it’s okay. TRUST.Get back to a place where you believe in the good of people and that this person is in your life for a reason,season,lifetime. Go into every situation and interaction knowing that you will come out stronger. Your brokenness and hurt have not killed you, you are not dead. This shows your capacity to endure pain and try again in spite of the pain you’ve experienced.
You’re situation will change when you believe in yourself and your ability to recognize good things are coming your way, because you deserve it.
